


Wicked Toys

by MissMonie



Series: Wicked Toys [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Bad Ideas, Dramatic Crows, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Loss of Parent(s), Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Nue - Freeform, Poor Life Choices, baku
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 06:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMonie/pseuds/MissMonie
Summary: Ten years after the accident that took her mother, Katrina Sparrow found herself at the start of her life. She had a loving boyfriend, a chance to compete in the Olympics, and a means to settle the grief that divided her and her father.Until the hallucinations started.Katrina finds herself at the mercy of her demons. Warned of her impending death, she is offered a deal: a life without pain. Desperation makes a fool, and when Katrina discovers the price of the dream eater's bargain it may already be too late.





	Wicked Toys

**Author's Note:**

> A work I've been dabbling with since 2008. I had my summary beta'd. Tags and rating will be updated as the story progresses.

Summer wind drifted through the trees and specks of afternoon light danced across the hard tile of the balcony floor. The smell of ozone hung heavy in the air with brushes of fresh cut grass and smokey barbecues taking away just enough of the city scent. A few birds twittered on the patio table before an ominous caw sent them scattering into the air. The mass of motion stirred the Russian blue from his nap by the wrought iron bars of the railing. He sat up with rapt attention as the birds landed in a tree ten feet away.

“It’s alright, Jinx.” Katrina chuckled. “They won’t mess with a mighty hunter like you.”

She smiled as the cat turned to look at her, his eyes closing slowly as he settled back down to sleep. Katrina uncrossed her legs and leaned forward to scratch behind his ears though Jinx only offered a short series of purrs before curling into a ball. The cawing continued from below the balcony while she adjusted her lotus position. It quieted enough for her to close her eyes. Her breathing evened out before the sound of wings announced the bird leaving. She opened her eyes to see it land in the tree opposite her.

The shadows from the oak’s canopy hid its glimmering feathers, but the black eyes still glinted when the bird turned its head. It perched on the corner of the branch near the trunk and opened a wing to peck between its feathers. Katrina gave up on meditation and stood to try tree pose. The bird hopped back and forth on the branch before it fluttered down to sit on the fire pit. As it made a trip around the edge she couldn’t see it anymore but could hear it picking through the remnants of charcoal left from a few nights before. 

Katrina settled her foot on the floor and turned to roll up her mat when the crow appeared on the side rail. She cocked her head, wondering how it made no noise. It was large even for a crow and with the light on it, she could see its feathers had a rich, green shine to them. 

“Are you hungry?” She asked and felt a little silly for it. Crows were scavengers so the obvious answer was yes. “Hold on, I have some cat food on my desk.” When she moved towards the door, the bird cawed and fluttered into the air and out of sight around the corner of the house. 

_Do you remember the first time we flew?_ A voice cut through her thoughts and her hand shot to her temple. Her fingers brushed over the scar hidden by her bangs. _Mom was there. It hurt._

“Shut up.” Katrina hissed as she turned back to the rail and gripped the edge. A burning flared behind her eyes and the sensation of claws digging into her brain left her resting her forehead against the cool iron. “Not right now. Please.”

_It hurt._ The voice repeated before it faded, taking the pain with it until only a dull ache remained.

She shuddered in a breath and felt her phone buzz. For a moment she considered ignoring it but unlocked it anyways. A message flashed across the screen.

**Im here ;)**

Excitement and regret pooled in her stomach and left a nauseous film behind. He wasn’t supposed to be there yet! Maybe she could warn-

“Kitten! You fall asleep in the sun?”

Katrina steeled her nerve and leaned over the balcony. A blond in a black and violet hoodie slipped around the tree trunk with an all too eager grin. She had to admit, though, that stupid smile made her feel better.

“Andrew.” She rested her chin in her hand and managed a tiny smile. “You’re early.”

“What can I say? I like seeing you in yoga pants.” He shrugged and rolled his sleeves back.

“Mmm, that so?” She flicked the fingers on her free hand and faked a yawn. “Scheduled meeting times are important, Andy.”

“Oh, I know, Kitten.” Andrew grabbed onto one of the lower branches and dug his sneakers into the bark of the trunk. “Punctuality is nice but arriving ahead means you get started sooner.”

_He isn’t supposed to be here when he’s home._ The bitterness in the voice left a sour bite in her mouth.

“Andy, Daddy’s still home!” She waved her hands as he pulled himself onto the branch across from her.

He adjusted his weight and inched forward, motioning for her to move. She narrowed her eyes at him. A few more moments of their silent standoff had her stepping back. 

“I’m not afraid of him, Kat.” Andrew jumped the foot of distance and swung his leg over the rail. In a swift motion he cupped her chin in his hands and began to rub coaxing circles against her jaws. “Plus you have that competition coming up so I wanna have as much of your time as I can.” 

The touch eased the voice, and she shifted closer to wrap her arms around his slender frame, burying her face in the front of his hoodie. The rare smell of good cheap cologne and light detergent greeted her. Warm hands left her cheeks to stroke down her back.

“I have tickets for you and Johnny to come watch.” She mumbled as he ran his fingers through her long, tawny hair. His heartbeat lulled her closer until she was using him to stand. Feeling him chased away the voices. It was the touch, the sensation. A weird necessity for comfort if she admitted it to herself. Even the voices wanted that sometimes. To be held.

“They near your dad?” Andrew asked as he swayed back and forth. “Been dying to meet the guy.”

“No where near him.” Katrina pushed back just enough to meet his jade eyes. “He isn’t ready to meet you.”

“Does he even know I exist?” Andrew asked without venom. 

“Not yet but it’s because I haven’t told him. Daddy is a little...suspicious of who I date.” Well that was one way to put it. She wet her lips. “He’s never approved of any boy I’ve dated.”

He eased his hands down her arms and her muscles twitched.

“You’re eighteen, Kat.” He said, the edge of his smile dipping just enough to be noticeable. “You can tell me if I’m a phase.”

Her eyes darted back to his face to see the worry in his expression. The smile slipped further.

“You’re not a phase.” She wrapped her arms around herself and backed up until her legs hit the railing. “I’m concerned how he’ll react when I tell him.”

Andrew ran a hand through his hair, and the grin was back though it seemed a little forced.

“What’s the big fear, Kitten? Most girls I dated had dads who hated me. It comes with the territory. I’d be worried if he didn’t react.”

Katrina pinched her lips and lapsed into silence. Perfection was the Sparrow code and Andy was far from standard courting material for a doctor’s daughter. At least if his looks had anything to say. Her eyes roved his body taking in the tears in his jeans and the scuffed toes of his converses. She liked the look, but if her father saw there would be one hell of an argument. And the worst of it all was that turned her on.

“You have experience with spoiled rich girls, Andy?” She smirked while pulling herself onto the rail. “They tend to have daddies with hunting buddies.”

Andrew snorted and closed their distance as he braced his hands on either side of her hips. A mischievous glint caught in his eye as he leaned close, their lips inches apart.

“My dad kept guns.” He shifted to breathe in her ear. “I’m not afraid of one pointed at me.”

“What the fuck? Your dad pointed a gun at you?” Katrina stared in disbelief. 

He blinked and pulled away from her, brows lifted. He glanced away.

“Well in my case I broke curfew, and he thought I was breaking in so...yeah? You’re the one who said it with like a sexy air of danger, and I thought-” He paused with a frown. “And I totally misread that moment.”

Katrina nodded though watching him flounder was amusing. He missed marks regularly, but she called this time special. She decided to change subject.

“Did Johnny have his cast removed?”

Andrew shifted to lean beside her on the rail, crossing his arms., and eased a little closer to bump shoulders. Katrina rested her head against his bicep.

“Cast’s off but he’s still got some pain. He can’t play yet, and it’s killing him.” He rested a hand on her knee. “I think he’s using his frustration at that to hide what happened to Eloise.” 

Katrina watched his hand as he stroked her knee in slow circles. The fingers tensed and relaxed as he spoke. 

“No one can really blame him. It was an accident though.” She sighed and watched their reflections in the windows. “How is he?”

“Same as usual, cranky and bitchy with an extra side of bitchy.” Andrew offered a half shrug. “He’s going to meet us at the gym to watch you practice. Said something about missing his favorite bitch.”

An inelegant snort left her. “Dork. Daddy leaves in an hour. You could have used the front door if you had patience.”

“Hey.” Andrew straightened and slipped his hands in his pockets. “You gotta admit, Kitten, my way is kind of great. Besides romantic balcony rendezvous keep me in shape.”

She let out a sharp laugh and shook her head.

“You are the biggest dweeb I’ve ever let put their lips on me. What is it I see in you again?” She poked him in the side.

He chuckled and grabbed her by the hands to pull into a tight hug. It felt warm, and he still smelled so good. She eased into his hold and sighed.

“The fact I’m a brilliant musician.”

“You’re the drummer.”

“I write half the songs.”

“And Johnny sings all of them.”

“I have an amazing sense of humor.”

“That helps put your foot in your mouth.”

Silence followed, and she thought she hurt his feelings when he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

“I have you.”

She smiled against the fabric. “Yes, but why do you have me?”

“Because persistence!”

“Oh my God why do I date you?”

He gave a small laugh. “Because you make me happy and I hope I do the same.”

It felt nice to hear that even if he ripped it off a greeting card. Running her hands along his sides, she eased back from him.

“I’ll call you when Daddy’s left.” She listened to his heartbeat. 

“’kay.” His fingers carded through her hair again. “You thought about moving in with me?”

“Yes.” She mumbled. 

“And?”

“We’ll talk about it after practice. With Johnny.” She breathed him in. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you, too, Kat.” His fingers brushed her cheek as he leaned down for a kiss. 

The kiss lasted a few seconds, long enough for his tongue to skirt past hers before he withdrew. As he did, his fingers trailed over her bare arms. It made her shudder, and for a brief second of hormonal insistence want to tell him to come back. The limb creaked as his ratty sneakers scuffed the bark. It broke her out of her trance in time to see him lower himself to the next branch then the ground. Maybe after practice when her father would be gone, they could continue.

“You're going to break your neck.” She sighed.

“Says the girl who swings on PVC pipe.” He waved before jogging away. 

“It's not PVC pi-” she called while he disappeared towards the driveway. “Dork.” She leaned on her hand, staring after him. 

_There’s nothing in this house but dust and ghosts now._

The pain in her head had faded not long after Andrew arrived. Now her pulse pounded against her ears. The thought of her father meeting him terrified her, but it needed to happen. Maybe not today and maybe only after the end of the competition. 

Katrina leaned on the rail again, eyes on the floor. The outcome had to be better than the thought. If anything nothing would change. He would say the same things he always said, and she would make her argument. The difference now rested in her age and the money her mother left. If he wanted to dictate who she dated, he could but she wouldn’t be there to listen. Not this time. 

She lifted her head, and the form of a faceless creature with spiraling horns appeared behind her reflection perched with its shoulders squared. Its tail flicked like a predator waiting to pounce.

“Shh.” 

Her breath hitched in her throat as a cold vise squeezed her heart. The pleasant coolness of the rail turned to an icy burn through her shirt. The creature commanded her attention with a sharp focus even as the corners of her vision blurred. What air remained in her lungs ached, and she let it out in a wheeze. The monster eased itself into a sitting position on the rail as it carefully lowered one leg then the other. It bent forward as it stood, wisps of dark navy drifting around the face. Swathes of white and pink floated around it as it straightened, towering over her. She urged her feet to move even as the thoughts raced through her head it wasn’t real. Buried in the darkest depths of her core the tiniest of voices whimpered.

_”Move._

It broke her petrification as she stumbled for the door. Fingers lost purchase on the bronze handle while her feet tripped over the mat. Jinx hissed, his body pressed against her ankles as the creature stretched out a hand fit with sharp claws. She managed to wrench the handles open and burst into the room. A desperate glance back saw Jinx with his hackles raised, spitting as he hissed. 

“Come here, Jinx! Here!” Katrina knew this wasn’t a hallucination. Jinx never reacted before. “Here!”

The cat darted past her towards the open bathroom door as the creature ducked under the frame. In the dimmer light it glowed incandescent white and moved as a mass of shifting color. She tried to scream but a strangled gag croaked out instead.

“Shh.” A wave of lethargy hit her with enough force to trip her. Boneless and weak she hit the bedroom door and slumped to the carpet as the thing advanced. “Shh.” It repeated.

“No, no. Go away.” She swung a limp arm and saw it recoil so she tried again. The force of the swing made her body tumble and the carpet rushed to catch her. “Stop.” Each breath felt like inhaling glass. The smell of woods drifted down to her as what felt like hair tickled her cheek. Arms slid around her waist. Her eyes closed.

 

~*~  
Andrew rounded the corner of the house along the small path into the brush, sneakers crunching over gravel. He pulled his motorcycle away from two small pines and back onto the path. The stink of decay hit him hard.

“Jesus.” He wrinkled his nose and glanced around the other side of the trees. The bloated remains of a squirrel lay sprawled under an equally rotting bush. 

A crow pecked at the belly and turned to caw sharply at him until he backed away. He jerked his head when he heard other crows answering the first. He didn’t need a murder of crows….murdering him. Honestly he was surprised he had missed it when he parked. The smell alone should have warned him. Morbid curiosity made him lean a little closer until the crow flapped its wings.

“Okay, sorry.” He backed off again and instead looked into the trees he had parked behind.

Ten feet above him sat a small squirrel nest. It looked broken down on one side. He wondered what happened to the little squirrel when he noticed dark spots along the trunk. They looked like holes but not ones animals used. The one closest to him looked black and carved like something hollowed it out. He leaned in just as a familiar metallic click echoed off the trees.

“So you’re my daughter’s paramour.” A voice came from behind him. “I have to admit I pictured you much older.”

Andrew stiffened. “Dr. Sparrow. Hello.” He turned his head then the rest of his body when he saw no gun. “You, uh, you weren’t what I was expecting either.” He added lamely. “You look like Kat.”

The doctor cocked a dark blond brow and fiddled behind his back before settling both hands in his pockets. His pleated khakis and navy sweater hid his lanky build and made him seem taller and thinner. Andy was reminded of album covers with wraiths on them.

“It’s our eyes.” The doctor bared his teeth in the kind of smile a host gave a party crasher. His voice remained calm, almost eerie in its levelness. “You know, it’s interesting that yours are also green. It’s rare for two unrelated people with green eyes to meet.”

Andy forced a laugh. Their eyes were nothing alike outside of being the same dark green. Katrina had warm eyes. Her father’s had a hollowness to them, a piercing depth. His eyes lifted back to the doctor’s to see him waiting for a response.

“I imagine Kat gets her smarts from you and her looks from her mom then?” 

“She does fancy Robin.” The blond brows dipped a moment. “Now, son, why were you climbing my tree?” He stepped closer.

“Uh, well - you see, sir.” Andy backed up as the doctor closed the distance. Bark scraped against the back of his hoodie.

“Why didn’t you use the door?” Ezra laughed and shook his head. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for months now.”

The air rushed out of his lungs. “Katrina said you didn’t like her dates.” He swallowed. “I didn’t mean any disrespect, Dr. Sparrow.” 

“I can’t fathom why Katrina would tell you that. Silly girl must be embarrassed by me.” His hand drifted behind him and Andrew tensed. A second later he removed his glasses to wipe with a white handkerchief. “What’s your name, son?”

“Andrew. Andrew Payne. But everyone calls me Andy.” He gave Ezra a lopsided grin.

“Well, Andrew, it’s interesting to meet you. Did you and Katrina make plans?” Those dark eyes bore into him as if picking him apart, like fingers digging through the darkest parts of his thoughts.

Andrew muttered. “I was going to take her to practice.”

“That does sound nice.” Ezra nodded and scratched his beard before folding the handkerchief. “Though I have to ask you make sure she’s home no later than seven tonight.”

Katrina never mentioned a curfew. Though as he thought on it, he realized their dates always ended before dark. The few times she caught a show had her hidden in the back or rushing home after their first break. It ticked him off once or twice, but he always wrote it off as needing to sleep for a competition. 

“Of course, sir.” He nodded. “I know how important competing is for her.”

The corners of Ezra’s mouth twitched, and he took a step back, turning to face the house.

“You’ll understand my skepticism? Young men rarely understand anything more important than themselves. Especially when it involves someone they care about.” He faced Andrew again though his eyes remained focused on the ground. “I even mean myself.”

Andrew wet his lips as he let the words sink in. 

“Everything that’s important to her is important to me.”

Ezra met Andrew’s eye, and he smirked before shaking his head. The doctor headed towards the house.

“If that’s what you want me to believe, Andrew.” He waved for Andrew to follow him. “I’ll send Katrina down early for you.”

Andrew gripped the handlebars of his bike as he followed Ezra towards the front of the house. Every other step had a distinct outline of a pistol grip pressing against the doctor’s sweater. He swallowed thickly.

“Thank you, sir.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I swear I’ll have her home right on time. But, uh, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

“You can ask whatever you want, Andrew. I can’t guarantee to give you an answer.”

He let out a weak chuckle. “Katrina never said. What kind of doctor are you?”

Ezra glanced over his shoulder, smirking again. In the shadow of the trees his eyes looked dark. Empty.

“I’m a surgeon, son.”

 

~*~  
A soft whimper tugged at her consciousness until her eyes opened. Lazy, white clouds rolled across a vast sky and a gentle wind blew against Katrina's skin. She sat up to see a field of paper harebells waving in the breeze. Hazy mountains framed the horizon on three sides, and a long expanse of open field spread across the other. The sound of sobs filled the air behind her.

“Hello?” She stumbled to her feet, glancing behind her.

A still lake stretched across in front of her now. The sobbing grew louder and with each wail, a ripple cut across the surface. Katrina felt her feet moving on their own as she staggered to the edge. She dropped by the shore, grit digging into her knees. The reflection in the water shown blurry, but the longer she stared the crisper it became. Her image stared back with widening eyes. The mouth twitched, and the reflection lifted both hands to cover its face.

The ground rumbled with the next series of sobs yet the image remained clear. One of the reflection’s hands left its face and carefully pressed against the surface of the water. Katrina leaned closer as the fingertips pierced through like tightly stretched cellophane. A sharp wail forced the water to pulse as the hand broke free, snatching for her face.

“Stop!” 

Katrina jerked back as the other hand shot out for her hair. The wet sand gave way under her hands, leaving her floundering. Her duplicate broke the surface with water streaming down her body. Her figure was nude and bruised with a pair of dark marks on either side of her shoulders. What might have been tears rolled down her cheeks as she clumsily surged through the water towards Katrina.

“Please! I’m not ready.” Her clone managed to pull her upper half onto the shore. An arm stretched out towards Katrina. “It’s cold inside.” 

Katrina sat motionless and watched the other her fight her way out of the water. Pain and fear flashed in the clone’s eyes. Her frantic kicking intensified until she managed to pull herself fully onto the shoreline. A brief moment of joy lit up her face as she grabbed for Katrina again.

“Help me!”

The lake surface exploded with a thick, black tendril. Katrina saw her other self freeze as it swept for her. She screamed and for a moment it raised in volume until Katrina realized she was screaming with her. The other surged forward and caught Katrina’s ankle. Her skin felt clammy and water from her hair dripped onto Katrina’s lower calf.

“Get off!” Katrina managed through the screaming and shoved hard at the other. 

“Don’t! Let me out! Please! I’m you! I’m a part of yo-” The tentacle wrapped tightly around the girl’s throat, jerking her back into the water. 

The surface stilled the moment her reflection disappeared. What was that? Who was that? And most importantly where was she? This had to be a dream. She pressed her palms to her ears and forced herself to stand. The sand caught at her feet, pulling her down a few inches. She pulled at it only to see two sets of hands wrap around either ankle and tug. She managed a scream before disappearing into the sand. 

She tumbled through darkness for what felt like eternity. Even though she felt her mouth stretched wide in a scream no sound followed. The sudden crack of bone on rock filled the air like a gunshot. She lay still, only braving to move her hand when she assured herself nothing broke. The surface below her felt smooth and cool, but as she spread her hand out it became jagged and uneven. Cracks appeared in thin or thick lines across the rock’s surface. Soft cries drifted out. With caution she pressed her ear to the smooth portion and heard garbled voices. A hand settled on her shoulder, jerking her back.

Her body stiffened as she stared out over the backyard. The pain in her face throbbed enough to make her teeth ache. Her vision cleared slowly and she pushed herself away from the railing. The hallucination felt too real, her pulse racing past her ears. Her hand settled on the balcony door handle and she turned it. Mr. Jinx followed her back inside, his tail twitching violently back and forth. 

“I guess it wasn’t real.” She muttered to him before collapsing onto her vanity chair. 

Jinx hopped up beside her, tail still lashing. His eyes watched the door then looked to Katrina as she handed him a treat. He took it and jumped off the desk to sit by the door. She wondered if she agitated him in her state.

“Sorry, Jinx.” She called over to him.

Katrina shifted a few cosmetics aside in a small tray by her brush in search of her medicine. She plucked the bottle out and cracked the lid, dumping a tablet into her hand. She swallowed it whole, frowning in the mirror. 

“Princess.” Ezra called through the door. “Come to the parlor. We need to have a discussion.”

She gagged and dropped the bottle. The tone he used sounded soft. Never a good sign.

“I’ll be down in a minute!”

She looked into the mirror again half expecting to see the waterlogged version of herself. Her face looked pale and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on her skin. Her pulse remained quick. He would notice and if the discussion wasn’t on Andrew it could turn that way. Or worse. About her condition. One scenario she could talk her way out of but not the other. She needed to play to the one she could win. The easier route. 

 

The bedroom door opened to the long hallway lined with photos of unsmiling relatives she never knew. Their eyes stared through her, judging what lay under the skin. She took a breath before starting down the hall. At the top of the stairs she heard glass hit wood and turned to see the foldout photo frame her father kept on a table by his door face down. She paused and turned around to right it. Her fingers brushed over the word cardboard as she looked at the photographs. 

The first photo on the left was a woman with a little girl in a blanket in a black and white print. The child had a mop of dark hair and next in the set the older version of the girl held a blonde in a white romper. She seemed distracted, blue eyes staring off somewhere to the left while the toddler smiled. The last photo was of the beaming blonde hugging a girl in a white dress with green eyes. 

Katrina settled the frame back on the table as she turned away. It was one of the few photos of her mother not secreted away in a dusty album. She felt the fear ease into sadness as her hand brushed the wood of the banister. A weight settled on either side of her shoulders, pushing down as she rounded the curve of the staircase. It hurt deep in her heart where even time couldn’t touch.

A splash of red caught her eye and she stared in disbelief at the bottom of the steps. She hadn’t seen it since the day after her mother’s funeral. The portrait hung a few feet above the banister, and in the oil painting her mother sat on a gray wing back divan in a red dress. She held Alec on her right knee in his tiny, gray suit while in her left arm an infant Katrina peered at the observer. Robin beamed with pride.

A hand rested out of place on Robin’s shoulder. Trailing up brought the face of her father. Even in oil his sharp eyes, matching his children, demanded unyielding attention. Trapped eighteen years in the past left little difference between it and the living. Some gray overtook the honey color of his beard and temples while a few creases appeared at the edges of his eyes. The man in oil could easily step out of his staged scene and take the living man's place. In fact that was a recurring nightmare of hers.

The clink of glass on glass pulled her along towards the parlor. Ezra sat on the raspberry colored lounge with a glass in his hand. His legs were hooked at the ankles and one arm rested on the back of the lounge. A decanter full of orange juice sat on the coffee table with a towel under it. He sipped idly, head turned towards the mantle.

“You brought the painting from storage.” She managed, voice wavering at the end. She held her hands in front of her chin level though her eyes remained trained on the floor.

“Your mother loved that commission.” 

It was best to let his attention fall on her naturally, but she knew what he preferred to mix with his juice. Ever since her mother died his moods varied and left her cherry picking the good days. 

“Are you drinking before work?” She mumbled.

Ezra turned towards her his expression blank as he took another drink.

“I would never jeopardize my career that way.” The glass clinked against the coaster as he waved his hand towards the matching seat across from him. “Sit. Now.”

Katrina settled on the edge of the sofa, fingers laced in her lap. Her legs crossed at the ankles. She kept her eyes on the coffee table deep in thought if the glass decanter was a good sign. Normally he used the plastic pitcher. She preferred that. Silence stretched between them as she rolled scenarios around in her head. At last it was too much and she lost their unspoken battle.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” She whispered.

“For?”

“Andrew.”

“Don't think of him, Princess.” Ezra sighed. “I knew he was around. You can't pull much wool over my eyes. Besides I admire his bravery.”

She lifted her eyes to him, a confused expression slipping into place. A compliment? Those were rare. Had she really come out of the hallucination?

“You knew about him?”

“Of course. I knew someone was coming onto the property, and I admit for a few weeks I was at a loss. So I installed a camera by the gates, and once I had a clear picture of his face and license plates on that,” his lips dipped down, “ _interesting_ motorcycle of his, I called a favor into the precinct. Andrew Gregory Payne. Nineteen years old, no current criminal record. One of the officers knew his parents and provided me with further information such as his scholarship.” He finished off his drink and leaned forward to pour another.

She watched and considered her words. If he had already done research on Andy and they had been dating for close to a year he would have said something by now. He always said something within the first month. Was that a good sign?

“Does that mean you approve of him?” She picked through the sentence carefully like the words were hidden mines.

Ezra settled the decanter back on the coffee table and turned to look at the mantle. Her eyes followed. A portrait of Robin and Alec from the family set hung above the fireplace. A few glass figurines rested along a rope of fake ivy wrapped around a copper colored urn. The label across the middle read Alec Steven Sparrow.

“I never said that.” Her father’s tone lacked inflection, but his eyes remained hard when he turned back to her. “The opposite. He’s not worth your time, and boys like him only use girls like you for their name.”

Her fingers gripped the hem of her denim shorts, eyes darting back to the floor.

“You just met him, Daddy. You can’t say that.” She muttered.

The creak of springs forced her to glance up to see him shifting his weight. Her father leaned forward, glass held around the lip. His eyes were focused on her and she knew he was searching for a weakness. It took effort to lift her head to meet his eye. The rush of her pulse pounded in her ears hard enough it made her chest ache.

“I was young once, Katrina. I dated women before your mother, and I used them for my own gain.” He sat the glass down with a louder clink. “I left them and moved onto the next. Whatever they could give me I took. How do you think I built so many acquaintances in office around this city?” His tone turned sharp. “You play those you don’t need and hide the ones closest so others can’t use them against you. There are people beneath us, Katrina. I have tried to make you understand that, but you are far too trusting. Too honest. You’re – just like her.” The anger in his expression washed out with a wave or remorse as he turned back to the portrait. 

The ache was palpable and Katrina bit her lip, startling when he stood and moved to rest his hand on the edge of the painting. This was an old conversation with a new start. Wounds healed slowly in their family, and this one was festering for ten years. One her father blamed her for making. They could agree.  
In a twisted way she missed the early days after her mother’s death when he was predictable. On her mother’s birthday or the anniversary of her death he drank himself into a stupor. Those were the days she hid. The days he drug her out from under the bed to remind her that she lived instead. Like it was a curse and not a gift.

When she grew older he stopped hunting for her. Instead he locked himself in his study. Often she heard him sobbing. She blamed herself, and a few times he let her in when she knocked. Those were the moments she wanted. When he would tell her how wonderful her mother had been. How they met. How much he loved her. How she reminded him of her. They were enough for her to bear the worst days. The days he was in too much pain. Pain she would never understand.

“If you knew about him why didn’t you say something?” She asked.

Ezra let his hand fall to his side as he slipped them into his pockets. He turned back with blank eyes.

“Because while I disapprove, he’s the kind of boy your mother would have adored for you to date.” He returned to his seat and leaned back. “And even though she isn’t here, I could never say no to what she wanted.”

Katrina felt the tension settle as her father’s shoulders eased. It surprised her that he didn’t demand she cut ties or chased Andy off with his revolver. He had always wanted perfection from her and this lapse felt unreal. It made her worry.

“I had a hallucination earlier.” Her eyes flicked down to the rug under the table.

Ezra arched a brow and moved to her. He brushed her bangs aside and tipped her chin back.

“It’s been a long time. Are you feeling alright now? Perhaps you should skip practice and send Andrew home?”

Katrina shook her head. “No, I need to practice. The competition is a week away. I just wanted you to know. I took an extra pill.”

Ezra sighed. “I’ll make a call on my way in to schedule an appointment. If you don’t feel better, come home. I don’t want Andrew knowing your condition. It’s enough you see a therapist. Boys are afraid if their lovers have something that impairs them.” He kissed the top of her head before he stood. “You’re all I have left, Katrina. I need to protect you. No one else will.”

She wet her lips but nodded.

“I know, Daddy.”

“Good. I warned him about the curfew. I will call when I have my break to make sure you’ve made it home safe. If you have anymore kinds of episodes I want you to come straight home. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.” She waited until she heard the garage door open and shut to move. 

She turned towards the portrait and urn. Small whispers urged her towards it and she felt its weight as she pulled it to her chest. The cool metal of the lid chilled her fingers as she opened it. Inside rested a bag of gray dust and a few yellowed baby teeth. The lid slid back in place when she settled the urn against its wreath of ivy. Her eyes turned up to her mother’s smile.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

She stepped back, watching the painted eyes. It hurt and her heart felt heavy as stone. Tears welled in her eyes, one sliding down her cheek but it never fell. Only a wet trail remained as if it had been wiped away.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated. I really want to make this the best I can. There are so many elements bouncing back and forth. Lots of balls rolling soon.


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